Most of us have heard of interpersonal skills- they are the skills we use to interact and communicate with other people. But there’s another set of important skills which are labeled intrapersonal– which simply refers to the way we interact with and communicate with ourselves. No, you are not crazy if you hear voices in your head! We all have our inner voice…or a few of them. Can you picture the angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other that we may have seen in cartoons? They are communicating intrapersonally. The dialogue we have with ourselves can be a very powerful tool when it comes to parenting.
Often I suggest to my clients that they come up with a Mantra (or Womantra for my female clients), to help them remember the tools they have available to themselves to use when they are faced with challenging situations. So what exactly is a mantra?
According to Dictionary.com, “man-tra is a noun (originally in Hinduism and Buddhism). A word or sound repeated to aid concentration in meditation. A Vedic hymn. A statement or slogan repeated frequently.”
Sometimes parenting can feel like one challenging situation after another, right? Perhaps some of these sound familiar?
- “Mommy, Alex knocked my blocks over….AGAIN!”
- “Mum, Jasmine stole my very favorite sweatshirt again!”
- “Mom, you have to take me to the store right now for my project that is due tomorrow.(that was assigned 2 weeks ago and is being started now) I need Popsicle sticks again!”
- “Mother, I refuse to drive your bratty son anywhere ever again!”
- “Mommy, the dog made me spill my juice again!”
- “Mummers, I need you to transfer more money to my account for food…AGAIN!”
As Moms, we need our very own set of mantras to keep our sanity as well as the emotional (and physical) well being of our family in tact. So (
drum roll please) I’m creating “Momtras”! Each Monday(ish) I’ll introduce a new Momtra. Look, my intention is Monday. But truth be told, sometimes stuff happens. Like tonight for example, I started writing this blog post when it was Monday. And then, well, stuff happened and…squirrel, next thing I know, it’s way past midnight! So I guess that means that Momtra No. 1 will actually be posted on Tuesday this week. Ooops! Asi es la vida! C’est la v’est. And all that jazz.
Here it is:
The thing is, we are living in an instant world. Instant Coffee and Instant Oatmeal. Instant Cash and Instant Credit Approval. Instant Cake Mix and Instant Pregnancy Tests. (I really don’t know why I put those two together!) And we have to Instagram it all or it never actually happened. But Instant Parenting and Instant Responses when we are not calm, generally ends up creating a giant, Instant Mess with the potential to wreak havoc on the peace we are striving to have within our families.
So remind yourself- unless there is blood, potential broken bones or true imminent danger…it can wait…really, it can! Repeat your Momtra this week in your head. Even say it out loud or turn it into a jingle you hum if that helps. The idea is that when you know it is indeed not an emergency, you give your mind and your body permission to stop reacting like it is an emergency and instead slow down and calm down. Rather than speaking (or screaming) our responses from our primitive brain, which only knows flight or fight, we allow ourselves to access the wisdom from our mature, evolved brain which is capable of thinking logically, rationally and reasonably. Delaying your reaction gives you a much better chance of approaching the situation positively and consciously.
Congratulations! You are a parent. So the challenging situations will be there AGAIN and AGAIN. Plan to meet and greet them with Momtra No. 1 AGAIN and AGAIN. And poof, just like that…you have some magical words to repeat this week!
Stay Positive,
